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| I m that girl, that wears her heart on her sleeve. You call it cliché, I call it circumstantial. I’ve prayed every night, for one chance to show you it will mean everything. Truth is I’ll screw things up, that’s the way I am. I bite my lip and say the wrong things, your selfish and rude. I act like I m 3, while your acting like you know exactly what’s going on. Sad eyes and broken smiles aren’t what were after. But then you don’t always get what you want.
Tonight is Emily Shelton’s birthday party. I m going until about 11 I guess, but then I have to get home, for OCEA tomorrow! Ya I don’t know if I want to go or not. Hmmm things have been different lately. School is still as easy as can be, actually that’s quite depressing if you ask me. Its not challenging at all. I can’t wait for college, still unsure where I will go. I guess I need to spend more time in thought and prayer about that. Feb 24 was two months, I didn’t make it, a day before I fell from a path of pure holiness. I need to turn in my missions papers, I m just not sure if it’s the right idea. I m waiting for an answer, yet not asking any questions. “I looked to heaven, and tried to pray;
But or ever a prayer had gushed,
A wicked whisper came, and made
My heart as dry as dust."”, is still my favorite line from Mrs. Millers English class this year. I miss that class… school still makes me uncomfortable… I M QUIET AT SCHOOL, WHAT? What is that about,.
Well this is getting to long, and I need to go get dressed to go to the sheltonsss…
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| Today is a day of mixed feelings...
i m upset, and confused.
my eyes are messed up... damage if i don't stop wearing contacts,
i m so upset about kyle, and everything is starting...Christmas is too close.
i m at a loss and i don't know what to do
Pull me back to you I can hear you calling my name, tugging on my arm. Slightly I turn around and glance, just for an instance. Not wanting to have too turn to a way I used to know. A way of pure joy, one full of light.
Save me from what I’ve become, help to learn your way. I want to see that smile I always used to know. I want to feel you hug me in times of sorrow. To hear your voice in times of rejoic. Death to the one I’ve become, life to the one I was. Fulfill a destiny that I was given. Teach me what I need to learn. Make me into what I should have always wanted… | | |
| I know it wasn’t meant to be. Every time a reflection of the one I used to be. With every thought a memory. A passing glimpse of the way it should be. My mind is full of sadness, my heart full of lies. I never dreampt it’d be this way, I never thought it’d be so hard. With everything around me a part of history. How will I come to terms with this, or should I even try. Knowing with every second something will go wrong. I turn around an walk away, it seems as if I’ve gone astray. But I pray you will not notice, not even for a moment. | | |
| RIP Kyle Place
We all love and miss you so much.
I will always remember the times in middle school, where you joke around to get us all laugh. How we would sit there and do you hair. How Jesse and You where always together. What about the times in high school, where I would go to the library to see your smiling face. I can still feel the embrace of your hugs, and hear the warmth of your voice.
As I go though pictures, your face always comes up. And I am reminded of the good time. So all I truly want to say is, I Love and I Miss You so Much, and I always will.
♥ | | |
| Last year, in English class. A kid came up too me and says, wow you still that same little good hearted, Christian girl from two years ago. Innocent, beautiful, and true in so many ways… I m so much more now, yet so much less. Love me or hate me but from this moment on it’s the truth in my heart… I wish I could say I was devote to you. That I was so in love with you it hurts. But I can’t for I m unable to lie to myself anymore. I will never love you for I love myself. I m hiding in darkness, for just a moment of peace and quiet. Tell me you love me, tell me it is alright. Tell me we all make mistakes. Let me know your with me as always. | | |
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